March 22, 2009

Chapter 3

Chapter 2.5 <— * —> Chapter 4

<<Amy’s Perspective>>

Bernard kept quiet as they walked towards her room, strolling like a couple of lovers reunited after a long separation. It was a beautiful lie, and the only one she could think of to distract the gamblers at Shadowfy’s card table from the urgency Bernard had expressed. She congratulated herself on her ingenuity, opened the door to her room, and waited till they were both inside before letting her real opinion show.

“While I appreciate your attempt at secrecy Invoker, no one ever comes to this side of the gate unless they have a very big problem. Every informant in Outer-Kaluna is going to be after you now, trying to find out just what that problem is.”

The object of her displeasure perched on the edge of his bed and stared at her as if she had grown a second head. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it again, and then laughed. “You don’t change do you?”

He could laugh, she fumed. He had nothing to lose. She flopped down in a chair across from him and glared. “Not when it comes down to making money. I’m very firm about my position on money. If it’s not coming in, it’s going out, and out is not as good as in.”

He shook his head. “You really don’t change. As it happens, that’s what I wanted to talk with you about. There’s a job working for the Duke available that might put a few coins in your pocket, if you’re interested.”

That would mean getting a work pass, paying for travel, and getting sneered at by people who considered themselves better than her. Still, it might be worth while. “What sort of job?” she asked.

Bernard put a finger to his lips. “An investigation. I can’t tell you more than that. I’ve been followed since I reached the gates.”

He spoke in a stage whisper, and when she could see he planned to go on in the same loud whisper, she leaned over and clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Do you know by who?” she breathed into his ear, so soft she almost couldn’t hear it herself. Or what, she added to herself.

He shook his head, and lifted one hand long enough to run his thumb along the lines of the tattoo on his cheek. Three slashes dotted by a predator’s eye. Bernard had gotten that tattoo to cover the marks left by an indel. Which kind was it? Her mind flashed over the various shape-shifters she’d seen, and then shuddered as she found a match. It had to be Schreber.

Chapter 2.5 <— * —> Chapter 4

Revised 6/21/09

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23 Comments »

  1. Hello….? o_o?

    Comment by Akota CrystalHeart — March 22, 2009 @ 4:46 am | Reply

    • Hello! Yay!! I’m so glad someone is here for discussion. ^^ You can say anything you like this time around. Like, hate, even pimp your own blog if you’re creative about it. All I ask is you keep it teen appropriate.

      Comment by uninvoked — March 22, 2009 @ 4:49 am | Reply

  2. Well, it will certainly be interesting to see if Rat *can* get information out of Amy… It’s possible. Whether he gives that info to Bernard is another matter entirely ^_^ I predict money, Rat getting one over Bernard, and Amy finding out pretty quickly. And Bernard getting in a heap of trouble. He really can’t handle himself well so far…

    Comment by Zyrieen — March 22, 2009 @ 5:31 am | Reply

    • I agree with the statement about whether or not Rat actually gives Bernard any information he *can* get out of Amy.

      Money is a common language after all, and Rat, and Amy may go for it. But, personally I think there will be a lot more involved that hasn’t been delved into too deeply just yet.

      Comment by brokenparadigm — March 24, 2009 @ 5:00 am | Reply

      • Oooh, there’s an interesting thought. Suppose he does get the information, and gets away with it. Will he even bother to tell Bernard? Probably not.

        Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:29 pm

    • Knowing Amy he’s more like to end up suspended by his tail over a pool full of live carp for his trouble. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if Amy has a merciful side. ^^

      Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:26 pm | Reply

  3. love your writing honey
    can’t wait for the next chapter
    amy is awesome btw

    Comment by becki — March 22, 2009 @ 9:49 am | Reply

  4. I love this game. Bergsteiger and I play it too in the story we’re working on, Beinn. So, for what it’s worth, I would flesh out Bernard a little more. So far Amy is coming off as the stronger player by far of the two. What does he bring to the table? More about what drives him, and any inner turmoil he feels would be nice. I like the conflict / tension between the two. It keeps things interesting. I would also be interested in finding out a little more about Amy’s agenda. What is driving her?

    The thing with Rat is interesting. My first thought was that Bernard would try and compromise Rat in some fashion so that he was more useful to him. This would also give leverage against Amy.

    Also, it would be nice at some point. to get a view into the opposition, other than the brief mention we have read. This too would help to balance out the story.

    Nice start. I’m interested to see where you take this.

    Comment by Ridge Walker — March 22, 2009 @ 5:22 pm | Reply

    • Ridgewalker, that is a very thoughtful response. I can’t tell you how please I am by your suggestions. Unfortunately I can’t reply with the detail I would like, since that would involve several spoilers I’m not willing to divulge just yet.

      If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear what you think Amy’s agenda is. I’m loving your responses so far, and check for them every time I log in. ^^

      Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:35 pm | Reply

  5. Hey there! I came here via Ink and Paper on LJ, and just had to comment on this…this is an amazing story, and you’re writing is so freeflowing and easy to follow without lacking the description to completely visualise everything that’s going on, I love it.

    Amy is an interesting character, I love the money-driven aspect of her – makes a nice change from the female lead being there to fall in love with someone.
    I’m very interested to see what happens next with Rat, I’d guess at the moment that unless Bernard’s actions become clearer as to what’s in all this for him, he’s not going to win Rat’s alliance. Then again, as much as Rat says he works for Amy, I can see him going back on that in the future.

    Bookmarked your blog, can’t wait to read more!

    Comment by count jerkula — March 22, 2009 @ 8:29 pm | Reply

    • Aww, thank you so much!

      Amy’s love of money is actually one of my favorite parts about her. It’s kind of funny how the more unflattering features of a character are also the most intriguing. It doesn’t get any better as time goes on either. I can safely say Amy never loses her desire to make gold be fruitful and multiply.

      It’ll be interesting to see who guesses Bernard’s motivation first.

      Thanks so much for stopping by, I’m very glad you’ve joined us!

      Comment by uninvoked — March 23, 2009 @ 3:29 am | Reply

  6. I agree – very easy to read, and Amy is very lovable off the bat!
    I do wonder if putting into the first person perspective would make it easier to grasp the point of view for each chapter, because for now I don’t get the feeling this is his and this is hers, I simply get the story as it is.

    I’m following, so keep writing!

    Comment by bukarella — March 23, 2009 @ 1:04 am | Reply

    • I’m a little worried about tackling first person. Whenever I read first with multiple view points, I get confused as to whose perspective it is. I guess with Uninvoked it’d be easy. If the first thought has something to do with money, working, or trouble…it’s probably Amy. Any higher thoughts would belong to Bernard.

      Do you find it easy to keep track of first person?

      Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:37 pm | Reply

  7. I’m enjoying the characters and the hints of give and take. Rat sounds like a loveable urchin, wise to the ways of the street and leary of strangers.

    I see hints of Amy as a deeper character; not as in to money as she’d like the world to believe and not as easy to read as Bernard would like.

    Keep it coming, it’s a very interesting story!

    Comment by MamaBear — March 23, 2009 @ 3:30 am | Reply

    • Rat has many layers, of which even I am not privvy to all of. I just wish he’d do what I tell him to and stop running off every time I need him. >_>

      Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:40 pm | Reply

      • I hate it when characters won’t do what I want them to do.

        I can just see him hanging on the edge of the window.

        Comment by MamaBear — March 24, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

  8. Thank you for dropping by the Sofa Diary. Sorry it took me so long to visit, I had a computer crash. I found this piece very intriguing. I’ll try to stop by for more when I have some extra time. Keep writing!
    jj- http://javajune.wordpress.com/

    Comment by javajune — March 23, 2009 @ 5:32 pm | Reply

    • It took me forever to figure this out Java, but you can fix your name so it links to your website by going to your profile and typing your blog link in. That way you don’t have to keep linking at bottom. ^^

      I’m glad you liked Uninvoked, and no worries. Computers are evil.

      Comment by uninvoked — March 24, 2009 @ 5:38 pm | Reply

  9. I’m really enjoying the story. I’d love to learn more about Amy, and I’m sure we will in future chapters.
    I did think that Bukarella had a good point; writing in first person might be something you’d want to experiment with if you are looking to draw the readers into Amy/Bernard’s POV.
    I’m looking forward to sundays 🙂

    Comment by Eleanor — March 24, 2009 @ 4:35 pm | Reply

  10. I can see that the characters are only going to get more complex, and I’m really looking forward to seeing how these characters grow! Amy especially. My question…if Rat is an indel, and Amy used the indel repellent, was he affected at all when she used the repellant?

    Comment by FreedomStar — March 24, 2009 @ 5:07 pm | Reply

  11. I have a question. It seems, from the knowledgeable posts, I wondered how many of you are also writers?

    Comment by MamaBear — March 24, 2009 @ 5:56 pm | Reply

  12. Just thought I would pop in to say Hi – life has been a little hectic lately and I have been neglecting my Press.

    Re peeing – I have a sneaky suspicion that women sometimes do it aswell but I cannot be sure

    Comment by Alex Towler — March 25, 2009 @ 8:00 am | Reply

  13. Oh, I’m enjoying this so much! Can’t wait till I have time to read Chapter 4!
    Seriously, the writing is JUST the kind that draws me in and keeps me engaged in fantasy books. I love it.

    Comment by slightlyignorant — March 31, 2009 @ 11:13 am | Reply


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